It’s True: Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work Anymore

Posted on June 28, 2008
Filed Under Lifestyle | 1 Comment

You never thought it would happen to you. But now here you are today… faced with the most important decision of your life.

No matter what events led to the current state of your marriage, all that doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that matters now is that you need to find a solution to your marriage problems. You desperately want to keep your family together, but the trouble is - you want a proven marriage saving solution that works.

Most people think that when marriage takes a turn for the worst; the only option is marriage counseling.

But when you turn to couples therapy, the focus is on behavior, action and doing. And in fact, it’s very possible that you could TRY all the tips and methodsoffered to you by your marriage counselor, yet still wind up unhappy and frustrated with each other.

Why?

Pastor and international marriage expert, Mark Gungor’s has one of the best answers I’ve seen. He makes a wonderful point that we just don’t hear enough.

Here’s what Mark said:

“If your view of marriage is flawed, all the energy and strategy you are using (such as our marriage will be better if we just do this or change that) will end in failure…you must work on your marriage BECAUSE you believe it IS valuable, not because you are trying to make it valuable.”

Did you know that most marriage counselors do not believe your marriage IS valuable? Many of them have already divorced, so why would they see your marriage as any more valuable than their own?

They believe marriage is simply expendable and that the kids will be ok. They hold the belief that not all couples are meant to be together which is why they are so quick to give up on your marriage.

Now I know I’m making a generalization about ALL marriage counselors and I do realize that there are some “renegade” marriage counselors who do not follow these beliefs. But based on the countless “horror stories” from the couples I’ve worked with over the years, these counselors are few and far between.

What kind of “horror stories” you ask? Good question.

I know this may be difficult to believe, but many of the couples I’ve worked with over the years who have attended couples counseling told me that their marriage counselor actually advised them to DIVORCE!

These couples attended marriage counseling because they wanted to save their marriage, not hear from an “expert” that their marriage is hopeless!

In fact, there have been statistics recently that stated 80% of marriages that end up in divorce could have been saved if the couple had only received the proper help they needed.

And as time goes on…while our divorce rate continues to remain at 50%, the real truth about marriage counseling is increasingly gaining more exposure with new alternatives to marriage counseling popping up all over the net.

Now the REAL question you must ask yourself is this…

If you and your spouse don’t believe your marriage IS valuable, and worth doing every positive thing you can do to make it healthy again (marriage counseling not in the list), then what hope can you have for your marriage?

The reason couples end up in the offices of marriage counselors is because they want somebody to help them do what they’re not able to do… believe their marriage IS valuable.
If you speak with virtually any couple who has been to a marriage counselor and you’ll find them in agreement.

But the sad truth is that most marriage counselors just don’t believe marriage itself IS valuable.

What all this boils down to is this:

Marriage Counselors need to take a good look at their incredibly high failure rate and realize they’re doing more harm than good.

Ultimately, the real reason for their failure to save marriages may have something to do with their initial schooling and education.

Most people don’t know this, but marriage counseling as taught in universities isn’t marriage counseling at all. It’s therapy for individuals.

80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, yet only 12% are in a profession that requires them to take EVEN ONE course on dealing with couples, (Dr. William J. Doherty, Minneapolis MN)

As a result, they would rather work with each person individually, instead of as a couple.

So my advice to you is…

If you’re considering seeing a couples counselor, take this as your alternative view. If your marriage problems persist, you’re far better off with a weekend marriage seminar or a marriage coach than a marriage counselor.

In fact, do a quick search in Google for “alternative to marriage counseling”. What you’ll find is a variety of solutions that don’t involve marriage counseling.

One of them is my own website that offers a solution called Marriage 101 which is a 100% positive marriage counseling alternative you can participate in from the privacy of your own home.

Very often, these solutions are less expensive, less invasive and not at all emotionally draining – much unlike what you might find in traditional marriage counseling.

Get the full story on marriage counseling and why it’s not at all what it’s cracked up to be. For a solution-oriented alternative to marriage counseling, visit Larry Bilotta’s website to get your marriage back on track and put an end to your marriage problems.

Convert Your Enjoyable Hobby Into A Work At Home Business

Posted on June 10, 2008
Filed Under Lifestyle | Leave a Comment

Having a fun hobby can be a fine thing.

But quite a few hobbyists fail to appreciate that they could likely transition their hobby into a profitable work at home business.

Most likely one tend to want to focus on their hobby without taking on the stress of a work from home business.

Don’t make a snap judgement. Remember you might destroy a hobby you truly thrive on.

Discipline: Essential Parent Info

Posted on May 15, 2008
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Can harsh discipline do more harm than good?

Recent studies suggest that low-income parents tend to endorse much harsher discipline, partly because they hold stronger beliefs about the value of spanking and experience higher levels of stress.

But, parents who work in high-stress jobs or are stay-at-home parents who are feeling frustrated or isolated are also at risk. It’s vital that parents recognize their tendency to punish a child too severely and take the necessary steps tomake sure the punishment is appropriate for their child’s age, temperament and maturity level.

The study’s finding showed that parents from lower income levels or work high pressure jobs are more stressed, and they react more emotionally to their child’s behavior, and thus use harsher discipline. A parent in this situation may benefit from external help and learning about alternative disciplinary strategies that are more appropriate and less harsh.

It’s also imperative for a parent to realize that kids thrive on praise. Parents in such a situation may always jump to discipline but fail to praise their child for their good deeds, behaviors and traits. Kids instinctively want to please their parents and make them proud. By encouraging positive behavior, the parent will most likely discourage the behavior that has driven them in the past to punish too harshly.

In order to encourage positive behavior deserving of praise, parents might want to think about giving their child a task they know they’re able to accomplish, and praise their efforts along the way.

Parents should consistently praise their children for the positive traits they possess. Their child might be good at maths in school, helpful to their little sister or brother, or is good at drawing pictures. Praise these good traits and the child is likely to respond by acting appropriately and behaving positively in order to gain more praise.

In the end, it’s vital to remember that a child is just that - a child. A parent should make a concerted effort to make sure the discipline is appropriate and take care of themselves physically, mentally and emotionally so they can optimally provide for their child’s emotional and physical well-being.

Sharing a hobby or interest with your child is a great way to develop a closer bond. Face painting just might be the right one for you. Discover more
Kids face painting
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The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee

Posted on November 23, 2007
Filed Under Choices, Inspiration, Lifestyle | Leave a Comment

I can’t remember where I first read this story, but as we’re at that time of year for being thankful, and fast approaching Christmas with its own reminders to stop and smell the roses, I thought it would be a good time to post this….

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things–your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions–and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else–the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first–the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.” continue reading….

Why Force Employees to Wear Suits to Work?

Posted on January 23, 2007
Filed Under A to Z, Choices, Lifestyle | Leave a Comment

Here’s a topic that always stirs debate, but that debate seems mostly one-sided. Most of the discussion comes down in favor of making business formal dress the exception instead of the rule. Yet company dress codes are amazingly slow to change.

So why do these seemingly outdated rules linger? If you talk to the employees of most companies that still require suits, coat & tie, dresses, etc., you find they would much prefer switching to a business casual, if not totally casual dress code for everyday work.

It’s actually pretty hard to find anyone to speak for the nebulous “they” who are the mysterious proponents of business formal dress policies. Oh sure, you can talk to someone in HR, but they’re just spouting the company line – they don’t actually make the policy.

I came across a post by Mark Cuban on blogmaverick, where he’s ranting about this very topic. In it he makes several observations, and asks some pointed questions:… continue reading….

Simpler Living - Ditch the House

Posted on March 6, 2006
Filed Under Lifestyle, Retirement | Leave a Comment

Sound drastic? Maybe so, and admittedly it’s not for everyone. But for those who may be at the place where they’re open to considering a lifestyle change or ways to free up time to pursue other interests, read on. Most of us get to this point due to various life changes, but for others, being tied to a house & property is already beginning to provide less feeling of security and seems more of an anchor. Even if that’s the case but the time for an alternative isn’t right, use this information in planning for the future. continue reading….

Just-In-Time Life - Riding the Edge of Disaster

Posted on February 27, 2006
Filed Under Economy, Healthy Living, Lifestyle | Leave a Comment

Our modern age of convenience makes just about everything we need or want available with a click on the computer, a phone call, or at worst a drive to the neighborhood store. There isn’t much we can’t have delivered or have done for us, and very few of our affairs we can’t manage online. And quite frankly, it’s great.

The “Just-In-Time” inventory and manufacturing methods utilized throughout the overall supply chain, and in most business’s have been invaluable in terms of efficiency and reducing costs. But mindlessly relying on them for daily living can make us less resilient and ill-prepared should the unexpected happen. The downside is that as we become accustomed to having what we want, when we want it, we gradually build a lifestyle that grows to depend on a vast interconnected and interdependent supply chain that in reality has no backup, little redundancy, and is far from failsafe. The question we should ask ourselves, is “what happens when it breaks?” continue reading….

How to Get the Most From Smaller Living Spaces

Posted on February 22, 2006
Filed Under Lifestyle | 1 Comment

Moving into a smaller place after being accustomed to “living large” requires a little adjustment. Not having to think about where to put things is one of the upsides of a big house, albeit a downside may be forgetting where we put them. At any rate, creative space utilization is going to be one of these necessary adjustments to making this new lifestyle work as well as the former.

Look at space in three dimensions and furnishings doing double duty. Pay attention to empty walls and space nearer to the ceiling. Break the task down by room and make a list of ideas that after your initial brainstorming, can be distilled down to specific actions or acquisitions. Since everyone’s situation will be somewhat unique to them, no one set of solutions will satisfy all needs. However, a discussion of a variety of options should help inspire ones imagination. continue reading….

Downsizing Sucessfully

Posted on February 16, 2006
Filed Under Lifestyle, Retirement | Leave a Comment

There are a myriad of reasons for downsizing and moving to a smaller place. It may be the kids are grown and space isn’t needed, or perhaps a financial setback has occurred. Or maybe it’s simply a choice of wanting more time to pursue other things besides keeping up with a large place. Whatever the reason, embrace the opportunity to start fresh.

The biggest mistake so many folks make is trying to bring along everything they’ve accumulated over the years and force-fit it into a space that may be half as large as what they had. The end result is accommodations that are cobbled together and cramped. continue reading….

How to do Your Moving Sale Right

Posted on February 8, 2006
Filed Under Lifestyle | Leave a Comment

Private sales to dispose of household and other items are called many things, broadly related to the objective. Garage or yard sales are usually about clearing out excess to create space or earn a little cash. Estate sales generally mean someone passed on and entire properties need to be liquidated. This article is specifically about moving sales that are done prior to relocating as a means of substantially lightening the load. continue reading….

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